beeridolator

(posted from an email to family - finally, the full and unabridged story of "the mattress incident")

Hi all,

Some of you have heard by now about my Friday the
13th accident. To quote the great Samuel Clemens (or
was it Samuel Adams?), "rumors of my death have been
greatly exaggerated".

However, the much loved VW Cabriolet I bought for
Sarah's 30th...is no more, fallen victim to the
ravages of the roadway. This sorry tale resulted from
a unfortunate decision to make a lunchtime run for a
present for Sarah's birthday (damn Gemini's) on a day
when I had her car and she mine. My chosen route took
me on the freeway, where we had to climb a small
summit - about 600 feet elevation. Being in a 20 year
old VW, it was slow going and I was in the right lane
behind an equally slow truck. As we crested the
summit, I moved into the middle lane to pass the
truck, where to my surprise, I see a floral blue
pillow-top queen sized mattress. Now boxed in on the
left and right and without enough time to stop, I hit
the mattress dead-on.

At this point, one of two things happened: either the
mattress got stuck under the car like one might slip
on a loose rug, or it catapulted the car up like a
four year old on, well, on a mattress. Either way,
the end result was a violent swerve to the right,
followed by one, two, three rolls. Now, I've been
asked many a time if I saw my life flashing before my
eyes, or whether the whole incident was in
slow-motion. As much as I'd like to add more drama to
the story, the truth is that I hunkered down in the
car and squeezed my eyes shut like a kid doing a
cannonball. I saw nothing but the backs of my eyelids
and felt the world revolve around me.

Miraculously, I didn't hit any other cars, my head
didn't get scraped off on the roadway, I stopped with
the rubber side down, on the side of the road no
less, and in a fortunate spot where there actually
was a side of the road to stop on, as opposed to one
of the many canyons that are on that particular
stretch of roadway. During the roll, I white-knuckled
the steering wheel and pulled my head down as close
to the stick shift as possible. As for direct damage,
I had a bit of road rash on my left elbow, and an
abrasion on my head where I lost a bit of hair (I'm
hoping it doesn't grow back there so I can continue
to be prompted to tell the story).

But - when the car stopped, I didn't know that I was
ok. Having some smattering of first aid training, I
understand the concept of shock, and figured that I
could have a broken back and a missing arm and who
knows what else, but just not feel it. So, I sat
there in the car, listening to the radio (still
going) for a few minutes until many a kind person
came to my side. I continued to sit in the car until
the CHP came, followed by a fire truck and paramedics.

I'm now realizing that this had been a really bad
accident. Hopefully the only bad one I'll ever have -
and I'm pretty much ok, so I'm going to have some
fun. Here is where my real disappointment starts to
set in.

Naturally they want to take me to the hospital to a
full check-out, which I agree to. They can't get the
door open, so they go to get a pry-bar. Not one of
the little ones we've all used to change a tire, but
one of the 4 foot long hardened steel ones. "Bring
the jaws of life!" I suggest, but no dice.

They pop the door, put me in a neck brace and gently
maneuver me out of the car onto a back board, where
it takes 6 big firefighters to carry me to the gurney
and into the ambulance. "Sorry guys, been trying to
lose that last 100 pounds." "Hey buddy, do you want
to keep the mattress as a souvenir"? Hahaha. Laughs
are had by all.

Into the ambulance we go, where I eagerly request the
siren be turned on. You see, I know this is my one
time to experience all the facets of an accident
victim - the jaws of life, the siren, the neck
collar, etc.; how often can you experience these
things without being about to die? Again, they
politely refuse my request, telling me I'm not in
serious enough condition to warrant it. Apparently,
if you're ok enough to ask for the siren and the jaws
of life, you don't need them. Muh.

So. I get to the hospital all nice and quiet like,
where the doctor feels me up, does a full cat scan,
and after giving me a stern lecture on my blood
pressure (of all things), discharges me. Well, talk
about a new lease on life! That night, Sarah & I went
out with friends (she drove) and celebrated both her
birthday and the fact that I was still there to enjoy
it. I felt great!!!

The following week and a half was excruciatingly
unpleasant; one morning I woke up so sore that I
couldn't move, and thought for sure that the days
following the accident had been a comatose dream and
that I was in fact paralyzed. Luckily, not the case,
and I am now back to 95% percent.

So, I'll close with an apology for the long and
verbose email, and share some of the photos of the
remnants of the car, along with my love to each of
you. I want you all to know that I care deeply about
each of you, and am glad that I have a few more years
to spend with you.